First there’s the question of logic, which seems to be what attracts many people to Buddhism. It is considered to be a logical system of thought. But I don’t trust logic. A lot of things can be proved ‘true’ by logical deduction, some of them pretty nefarious. And when there’s too much emphasis on logic, something else gets left out – intuition, inherent knowing ... whatever you call that. Then there’s the bigness of my emotional response, which doesn’t seem to have space in the middle ground. When I feel joy, I want to dance it, and somehow on this path I feel I have to constrain what I feel, tame it. Then there’s the fact that the Tibetan practices are complex and internal, whereas the practices that most speak to me are simple and physical.

So why am I prostrating and reciting Vajrasattva mantras? What’s motivating me? ‘I’ve started so I’ll finish’ is a personality trait, not a good reason (and a trait that can end up running me if I’m not mindful of it). I think the most potent reason I continue is that I am touched the beauty of Samye Ling and all that it stands for – an aesthetic that isn’t just scenic but emanates from a particular way of life founded on practice and ethics, a way that is balanced, kind, earthy and good-humoured. Then there’s my desire for community. I always underrate this because my primary drive is to be self-sustaining. But to be human is to be social. I also need to belong.